the old man with smile lines

recently i've been thinking a lot about God.

when i was a little girl i believed in God because i was afraid of what would happen if i didn't. Even through my teenage years i was taught to be afraid. over analyzing everything i did wondering if it was wrong or right or if God was happy with my decision. constantly straining to hear his voice.

and now...i believe in God because i think that he is beautiful and kind and loves me for no other reason than because he created me. and Grace is his most amazing attribute. i no longer strain to hear, i simply wait and enjoy all that is put before me, knowing every little thing, every moment has been presented to me by God to do what i will with it. and hopefully he'll smile because he knows i appreciate my life, all of it's ups and downs.

a lot of people have asked me why i believe. mostly it's because i want to believe, why would anyone not want to? the earth in and of itself, mountains and oceans, and trees, even grass. how it smells, how salt water tastes good and bad at the same time. how you can stand in awe of a mountain protruding from the flat surrounding. isn't it more fun to think that someone created all that for YOU? for your pleasure, to confirm your faith in something bigger than yourself?

and besides....why would anyone really want to think that all that waits for them is becoming worm food? not so glamorous now is it?