tell them their pillar of faith has ascended
i was recently reading over some of my old blogs, in particular the one i wrote about my grandparents.
i am glad that i would go and visit when i had the chance after i moved. Everytime i went home i went and saw them - even though it was difficult to see my grandfather so frail. one of the last times i saw him i helped to pick him up after he fell. the last time i saw him before i left i kissed him on the cheek and looked him in the eye and told him i loved him. i'm glad his eyes were clear in that moment.
he passed away back in June and it was sad, but he was home with his family - the way he wanted.
my grandmother is still hanging in there, but they were married for 66 years! i try to imagine how she must feel. besides the emptiness of that kind of loss, i wonder if she somehow feels betrayed that he left her behind?
recently i feel like i'm the one who has left her and the rest of my family behind. i love my family, and grew up close to them. i feel like if i was around it could somehow ease my grandmother's loss, or help my parents to take better care of themselves. it's difficult - ever since i was little i remember wanting to leave NY, and now i'm out and i don't really want to go back - but i feel guilty about not being able to play an active role in my family. i wonder if this is normal?
for now i'll try to sort it out and remind myself of the seeds i have planted in my new home and the roots i hope to make stronger.
maybe one of these days i'll have a kid who feels guilty about leaving me behind.
i am glad that i would go and visit when i had the chance after i moved. Everytime i went home i went and saw them - even though it was difficult to see my grandfather so frail. one of the last times i saw him i helped to pick him up after he fell. the last time i saw him before i left i kissed him on the cheek and looked him in the eye and told him i loved him. i'm glad his eyes were clear in that moment.
he passed away back in June and it was sad, but he was home with his family - the way he wanted.
my grandmother is still hanging in there, but they were married for 66 years! i try to imagine how she must feel. besides the emptiness of that kind of loss, i wonder if she somehow feels betrayed that he left her behind?
recently i feel like i'm the one who has left her and the rest of my family behind. i love my family, and grew up close to them. i feel like if i was around it could somehow ease my grandmother's loss, or help my parents to take better care of themselves. it's difficult - ever since i was little i remember wanting to leave NY, and now i'm out and i don't really want to go back - but i feel guilty about not being able to play an active role in my family. i wonder if this is normal?
for now i'll try to sort it out and remind myself of the seeds i have planted in my new home and the roots i hope to make stronger.
maybe one of these days i'll have a kid who feels guilty about leaving me behind.
posted by shannon. at 9:01 PM
2 Comments:
We all need to leave home at some time or another. Shannon, I know you feel bad about not being here but it is ok. You were/are here. Maybe not physically but you are always here. Your warmth, your wisdom you are one of us. LOVE XXOO
Your post reminded me so much of my own growing up struggle... and this song. Have you heard it?
Small Piece of You
I just want a small piece of you a token to put in my pocket and I will own that one thing and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you something to put in a locket and i will look at it daily and that will make me happy
I guess it's human nature to want to hold you very still I guess it's in a mother to inject a little guilt Go on son and see the world; I hope you see it all But please please please don't forget to call
Free to fly free to go free to not look back That's how free I want you though it scares me half to death Free to wander miles and miles and free to come back home That's how free I want you though it chills me to the bone
...Go on son and spread your wings; I hope that you take flight But please please please don't forget to write
I know you're just a baby sleeping in your bed And you probably have other thoughts drifting through your head I know this conversation's a little premature It's just that I've heard eighteen years goes by like a blur ...
I know that it's not fair for me to hold you down now is it But please please please don't forget to visit Free to fly free to go free to come back home...
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Sara Groves
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