tell them their pillar of faith has ascended

i was recently reading over some of my old blogs, in particular the one i wrote about my grandparents.
i am glad that i would go and visit when i had the chance after i moved. Everytime i went home i went and saw them - even though it was difficult to see my grandfather so frail. one of the last times i saw him i helped to pick him up after he fell. the last time i saw him before i left i kissed him on the cheek and looked him in the eye and told him i loved him. i'm glad his eyes were clear in that moment.
he passed away back in June and it was sad, but he was home with his family - the way he wanted.
my grandmother is still hanging in there, but they were married for 66 years! i try to imagine how she must feel. besides the emptiness of that kind of loss, i wonder if she somehow feels betrayed that he left her behind?
recently i feel like i'm the one who has left her and the rest of my family behind. i love my family, and grew up close to them. i feel like if i was around it could somehow ease my grandmother's loss, or help my parents to take better care of themselves. it's difficult - ever since i was little i remember wanting to leave NY, and now i'm out and i don't really want to go back - but i feel guilty about not being able to play an active role in my family. i wonder if this is normal?
for now i'll try to sort it out and remind myself of the seeds i have planted in my new home and the roots i hope to make stronger.
maybe one of these days i'll have a kid who feels guilty about leaving me behind.