staring straight into the shining sun
I'm having a hard time today. I miss the easy life I left behind. I miss the days where I didn't feel overwhelmed every second of everyday. Most of all though - I miss the cold weather. Today I wish it was easier. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to go back. I just feel a little "homesick" and wish it was a little easier today. And definitely a lot cooler.
In some ways I imagine this being easier if it was at least cold. If it was at the very least below 65 degrees. It's hard to say if it really would be or not. I would at least not be sweating. Recently I've discovered that the weather here makes me depressed and callous. Like how some people imagine living in Seattle or Portland (OR) would make them feel. Just, lifeless and apathetic. I long for cloud cover, for an icy breeze on my face. For the mist that relentlessly clings to your skin on a drizzly day and never gives you a chance to stay dry.
Instead a giant, caustic orb greets me every day. Following my every move. Incessantly glaring down and testing my patience. It never goes away. Making every step such an effort I really just want to give up. But I'm not that kind of girl.
I can't lie - there are definitely some days that the phrase, "what the hell was I thinking?" has crossed my mind. It sort of helps though because then I remember EXACTLY what I was thinking. It's reassuring to know this is not my permanent home and I will be moving on at some point. Though when exactly has not yet been determined, but I can live with that. Just knowing I'll be leaving is encouraging.
At this point, I'm fairly certain that I will never be good friends with the desert. Though I'm glad for the experience, I won't be sad to see it fade away in my rear view mirror.
In some ways I imagine this being easier if it was at least cold. If it was at the very least below 65 degrees. It's hard to say if it really would be or not. I would at least not be sweating. Recently I've discovered that the weather here makes me depressed and callous. Like how some people imagine living in Seattle or Portland (OR) would make them feel. Just, lifeless and apathetic. I long for cloud cover, for an icy breeze on my face. For the mist that relentlessly clings to your skin on a drizzly day and never gives you a chance to stay dry.
Instead a giant, caustic orb greets me every day. Following my every move. Incessantly glaring down and testing my patience. It never goes away. Making every step such an effort I really just want to give up. But I'm not that kind of girl.
I can't lie - there are definitely some days that the phrase, "what the hell was I thinking?" has crossed my mind. It sort of helps though because then I remember EXACTLY what I was thinking. It's reassuring to know this is not my permanent home and I will be moving on at some point. Though when exactly has not yet been determined, but I can live with that. Just knowing I'll be leaving is encouraging.
At this point, I'm fairly certain that I will never be good friends with the desert. Though I'm glad for the experience, I won't be sad to see it fade away in my rear view mirror.
posted by shannon. at 12:44 AM
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