finding the center
After moving from Philly, and having my life in boxes and living out of suitcases for a while I finally moved into the new place in the middle of August. I thought I had been handling everything pretty well - had a job, some sort of strange routine, but it worked. Yet I still felt "off" and not quite myself. After a weekend in which I thought I was completely loosing my mind (I won't go into the dirty details - but I was crazy! Seriously, I was raging effing mad. Poor AJ...) I decided I needed to take action to re-center myself. I had taken yoga, and went swimming and biking of course everyday - but I couldn't quite figure out what it was that I needed. Maybe a jog? Way too hot for that though.
One morning I woke up, and for whatever reason, knew exactly what it was that was making me feel so strange - I hadn't enjoyed a moment in a kitchen by myself since Philly. I hadn't yet shared in communion with my new space. My favorite place in any house. My sanctuary...Sure I'd made some salads and various other things over the previous weeks - but nothing where I got to take my time and read through cookbooks and think of how to improve every recipe I saw; and I really hadn't had the chance to get my hands dirty. So I went out and bought flours and sweeteners and yeast and various other items that I knew I would use. Finally on a beautiful Friday I woke up and made some coffee (the first I'd had in a LONG time) - and then got lost in the racket of baking sheets, the whir of food processors and clouds of flour. By the time I was done I had made a delicious "low-fat" cauliflower hummus ('cause why not - that head of cauliflower needs to be used!), whole wheat pitas, pizza dough (which would later turn into doughnuts) and of course: vegan chocolate cupcakes.
About half way through the warm chocolate cupcake I was eating, I actually felt myself return. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it, it was very surreal - I could feel the shift within. My center had rebalanced. I'm not sure if it was the process or the actual result, but if ever I lose myself again - I'll know exactly where to find her: in the center of a chocolate cupcake.
One morning I woke up, and for whatever reason, knew exactly what it was that was making me feel so strange - I hadn't enjoyed a moment in a kitchen by myself since Philly. I hadn't yet shared in communion with my new space. My favorite place in any house. My sanctuary...Sure I'd made some salads and various other things over the previous weeks - but nothing where I got to take my time and read through cookbooks and think of how to improve every recipe I saw; and I really hadn't had the chance to get my hands dirty. So I went out and bought flours and sweeteners and yeast and various other items that I knew I would use. Finally on a beautiful Friday I woke up and made some coffee (the first I'd had in a LONG time) - and then got lost in the racket of baking sheets, the whir of food processors and clouds of flour. By the time I was done I had made a delicious "low-fat" cauliflower hummus ('cause why not - that head of cauliflower needs to be used!), whole wheat pitas, pizza dough (which would later turn into doughnuts) and of course: vegan chocolate cupcakes.
About half way through the warm chocolate cupcake I was eating, I actually felt myself return. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it, it was very surreal - I could feel the shift within. My center had rebalanced. I'm not sure if it was the process or the actual result, but if ever I lose myself again - I'll know exactly where to find her: in the center of a chocolate cupcake.
posted by shannon. at 2:41 AM
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