Definitions

We attach so many labels to make it easier to define who we are.
To define what we think we should be to those around us. It would be nice if people wouldn't stereotype us by those tags, but unfortunatley it's done ~ all across the board. I know I am part of it.

We connect ourselves to objects, ideas, other people with better or more interesting definitions.

As for myself, people see what I choose for them to see. Even if it's a bit tweaked. I've collected ideas and labels that I thought other people would enjoy more, or find more interesting. I have buried myself deep within. It's so much easier this way. To let people guess who I am rather than letting them in on the secret. So few people know what shapes me nowadays. I'd like to know when I starting throwing the dirt over my core.

I wish it were easier to shed some of the labels I've created for myself. There are so many that don't really seem to apply anymore. But I'm good at letting people still think they do. Perhaps for my own sanity. It's so difficult to explain it to people. Would they even understand? Why do I want to deal with the internal conflict of letting some of my pieces go?

It seems that chapters of my life have dissolved into oblivion ~ and yet without them I wouldn't be who I am. It's difficult to connect some of the dots. It's difficult to remember why I put that dot there in the first place. Youth and naivite perhaps? Probably.

Forget to Remember

What have I done?
Where have I come from?
When I burnt the backs with the sun through a glass did I seal
the loss that's become me?
Feeling undone
What have I become?
When I turned my back on you I turned my back on myself and
Became this machine
Thoughtlessness, Selfishness, Hopelessness, Arrogant

I feel it on the inside, twisting and contorting, memory has
Shaped me once again
Still feel you on the inside, biting through and stinging,
Will I ever forget to remember?

Shadows in the sun,
Filter through us.
Still wrestle the demons that arrested me as a child,
Confession rejected,
We grow up,
To give up,
People step on the cracks for wounds owed paid back
Through the words of surrender
Emptiness, Loneliness, Listlessness, Worthless

Can you save me? From myself, from these memories
Can you save me? From myself, from these memories

Surrender, to the shadows, haunting inside, bleed through
You
Surrender to the secrets inside, lies within you

I feel it on the inside, twisting and contorting, memory has
Shaped me once again
Still feel you on the inside, biting through and stinging,
Will I ever forget to remember?
Can't feel you on the inside, set down the bag and left it,
Lost memory has left me
One again.
Open up the inside, Admission for the cleansing, Now that I've
Forgotten to remember
Surrender, to the shadows, haunting inside, bleed through you

~mudvayne~

Domesticity - Part II

S0 previously i wrote how i'd love to own a b&b in France. I have since changed my mind!
Although i'd still love to have aplace in France - it is now an Inn!

With a tavern.

Tavern and all - the sort of place you picture sending your character to in D&D.

Surrounded by dark word and plenty of good beer and delightful friends. maybe a piano in the corner, a cozy fireplace and people dancing on tables.

Seriously...Dare to dream...

The Hollow

Run desire Run
Sexual Being
Run him like a blade
To and through the heart
No conscience
One motive
Cater to the hollow

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacify this hungering

So grow
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down
Falling all around
In cycles
In circles
Constantly consuming
Conquer and devour

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying

Feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying


~apc~